Today I had the NT scan. An over the belly ultrasound that measures the baby bits to see if there is a nose bone and some brain parts and something about fluid in the spine. Ask me anything about follicles or fallopian tubes and I can give you an exact scientific answer. Ask me about anything P related and you get "some brain parts." I'm well aware of my area of expertise. Though I woke up with the thought that this could be the worst day of my life, I left the doc with the thought that this is really happening. I still have that placenta primavera jazz (previa) but I'll just hope it works itself out. Look at me being all nonchalant!
Last night our production team came over and we talked about the documentary we've been making, ONE MORE SHOT. (I don't have a FaceBook page but the film does. Come be our friend at OneMoreShotFilm. I promise no belly picts!). Noah and I have been filming for over two years, and now that we think we are on our way to our ending we are kicking the film into full gear with the help of some incredible people who know how to make it all happen. Sitting around with everyone talking about our lives in third person felt a little strange. Knowing these folks have been watching footage of the most intimate and terrible moments of our lives made me feel proud of what we are doing. Maybe part of me really should be embarrassed, there is a LOT of footage of me peeing in a cup or crying, or both. But I don't feel embarrassed. I feel like our story is the story of 7.3 million Americans and millions more around the word, and if Noah and I can give a face to this, then here we are. I don't like all the secrecy and stigma and I don't like how alone or ashamed some people feel. Infertility is no ones fault. It happens, and it's a medical condition. And it needs to be better understood, and hopefully one day covered by insurance!
Another thing that is important to me is the idea of normalizing how many modern families are created. If all goes well, I'm going to give birth to our adopted daughter. Wow. Writing that down just brought tears to my eyes. She is 100% ours, but genetically she is 100% the gift of strangers. She has siblings out in the world, and she will know her story from day 1. Or day whenever she can understand. With scientific advancements, there's a lot we can do to make a family. It's amazing and it's a miracle, and I'd like to be a part of also making it normal. A family is a group of people who love each other and care about each other. A baby is a tiny person who has little bitty fingers and toes. That's all that matters in the end.
We interviewed a woman over the weekend, who became a single mom by choice at the age of 46 with the help of an egg donor and a sperm donor. She jokingly referred to her "Frankenstein baby," but seeing the tiny little girl in her arms she was far from monstrous. She was beautiful and special. She was a gift from pieces of other people who allowed this woman to become a mother.
It has taken a village, literally, to make Momo. I tried to count all the people involved from doctors, to naturopathy docs, to friends, to family to donors...it's more than I can count on two hands. So as Noah always says, when this kid is born she will know she was so wanted, that other people wanted us to have her too. So where's the shame in that? I had/have a broken part and my village helped me find a way around it. To me that's a beautiful thing.