So I've been thinking about this for the better part of the month because, well, I just have been. And what I really started to think about is what does it mean to "try?" Why or why not keep trying and how much...effort should go into it?
So I let go of my search for the elusive one good egg a long time ago. I have Momo, I don't care about finding the one good egg, and since she was born (just over two years ago), I really haven't thought about trying.
The years of "trying" were terrible. It started with a calendar, then a thermometer, then the ovulation test strips-- ya'll know the drill. The actual act of trying becomes...just that, kind of an act, then the wait to find out if it worked is just torture. Wash rinse repeat each month. It's disappointing and just tedious to say the least. I didn't think about trying after Momo was born. The idea of being P didn't cross my mind because I was too enamored and overwhelmed by her. But when I got "accidentally" P in January, wanting number 2 went from a little storage bin in the back of my mind to a silver platter front and center. I really want Momo to have a sibling, and I believe she will, and for the longest time I assumed it would be her embryo match because that was logical and I am (was?) infertile. But the surprise pregnancy made me think maybe this is possible and is it worth it to try naturally until we are ready to do an FET of the second embryo? Or is it insane to try because trying is crazy making and having another miscarriage and D&C would set us back. And I'm anxious about my eggs. And I want Momo to have her genetic sibling. But...but if I believe that the kids that are meant to be mine will be then do I try everything and let the cards fall as they may? I'm genuinely not sure what the right answer is.
I don't know that there is a right answer. I know that I'm not buying ovulation test strips and I'm not going to drive myself nuts thinking about timing and what ifs. I also know that I can estimate when I ovulate and feel like it's... I don't know....a waste of a chance not to try? So I think we will roll the dice and play that not trying but also not not trying game to see what the universe might bring. I feel less pressure this way and in my brain am really just gearing up for the FET. But who knows. I know much of this is way out of my hands.