I have a few friends on IF Island who are in very different stages of the process. One friend is healing from a D & C after her 9th IVF (this round with donor eggs) ended with a blighted ovum. One friend has just started taking estrogen to plump up her lining in preparation for an FET. Another friend is all jacked up on Lupron, waiting to see how many follicles her donor (her second donor, mind you) has. She's doing a shared cycle so if the donor doesn't make more than 8 eggs, she's SOL. All the eggs go to the first couple who signed on for the donor, and she will have to go back onto a wait-list.
It got me thinking about all the drastically different emotional spaces there are on IF Island. No emotional stone goes unturned. From despair and heartbreak to indifference and frustration to hope to excitement and back around again. It's like one of those little spinners in a children's board game. You never know where you might land.
There are few other experiences like this, where your emotional being is completely tormented on a daily basis. The highs and lows can be so dramatic and intense, it's so hard to stay grounded. The underlying feeling is often fear. So much is in the air. So much is riding on certain things falling neatly into place. So much can possibly go wrong. It's terrifying and exhausting. It's all the more reason why it is so important to take care of yourself.
I'm constantly amazed and impressed by my friends on the Island. All of you warriors who go to battle every day, fighting to create your family. Those healing from wounds some how, some way, find it within themselves to get back up. Those preparing for another transfer do so with grace and an understanding that maybe a miracle is about to happen, but maybe not. At the junction where hope meets statistical reality, all we can do is take a deep breath.
Having visited all the varying emotional landscapes over the past few years, I'm reminded yet again that things change all the time. Situations change, perspectives change, feelings change, and eventually luck will change. New possibilities arise when you can't fathom another option. An inner strength comes to the forefront when we think there is nothing left. A painful present slowly fades into a past memory, as a new opportunity begins to appear out on the horizon.
Wishing everyone out there so much love and strength, wherever you are on your journey.